Sully’s Brand T-Shirts New Video Is Giving Derek Jeter A Proper Send Off

The guys over at Sully’s Brand T-Shirts just hit this one out of the park. Pure awesomeness. They also have a great deal for shirts.

Things That Literally Make Me Cringe

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Call it white people problems if you will. But this shit would ruin my entire day.

Some Crazy Broad Broke into Keanu Reeves’ House, David Letterman Style

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The Hollywood actor is thought to have been awoken around 4am by noises coming from the library of his Hollywood Hills home, TMZ alleged.

After the 50-year-old got up to see what was going on, he is said to have come face-to-face with a woman in her mid-40s who had broken in and sat in his chair.

‘She explained she was there to meet him. He very calmly called 911 and obtusely told the dispatcher cops needed to roll quick. Police came and took the woman into custody. She was taken  for a psych evaluation.’

The star’s house is ‘built like a fort’ and close to both Leonardo DiCaprio and Tobey Maguire’s pads, according to TMZ.

Okay, I don’t have too much to say here. It’s just some actor who had to deal with some obsessed fan. Probably happens every day for old Utah. But I think the most surprising thing about this entire story is: Keanu Reeves has a library. That’s right the man own so many books that it requires an entire room to house all of them. I did not see that coming.

Get it; because Keanu Reeves is so dumb!

CNN Breaking Story: Venezuelan Breast Implant Shortage; Yes, That’s Right

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Okay so this is a serious story, right? I mean if you want you some breast implants you should be able to go to your local breast implant store and and buy you some breast implants. This is American after all (South American, somewhere toward the middle).

But now, now, I don’t know how to feel about this. I’m mean they Veney-Z has had chicken and milk shortages in the past; but who cares, eat beef or pork and drink lemonade or soda. But there’s nothing one can get in place of breast implants.

Also, I don’t get this, aren’t they just plastic bags filled with water? That was my understanding anyway.

In Memoriam of That Time Scotland Almost Got Independence

THAT OLD SCOTTISH GUY MIKE MYERS USED TO PLAY ON SNL

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I mean, I guess that’s what used to pass for humor back in the early 1990’s. But then again Mike Myers entire career can be written off as shit that barely passed for humor back in the 90’s.

It’s a shame that he’s now dead though. But we’ll never forget the day we heard that Mike Myers passed away hours after saving Dana Carvey from drowning in the River Thames.

Most Surprising Man’s Man of the Day: Gerard Depardieu

pictured: a man who knows what the fuck he wants, when he wants it

pictured: a man who knows what the fuck he wants and when he wants it

In a recent interview, French-born actor Gerard Depardieu told a reporter that he can – and often does – drink “12, 13, 14 bottles” of wine a day, and it doesn’t even get him trashed.

“I can’t drink like a normal person. I can absorb 12, 13, 14 bottles…per day,” the 65-year-old Depardieu told So Film while promoting his upcoming movie Welcome To New York. “But I’m never totally drunk, just a little pissed. All you need is a 10-minute nap and voilà, a slurp of rosé wine and I feel as fresh as a daisy!”

I know that it’s just pussy wine. But c’mon 14 bottles a day, that’ s bound to get you laid at least by some trashy woman at the bar around 4pm. I didn’t know you had it in ya, Gerry. In fact I didn’t realize that you were still even a thing.

But 14 bottles of wine, a quick nap, and then even more wine: Mr. Depardieu, you are one of life’s winners!

Today In: WTF Shutterstock

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To be completely honest, I originally put this down in my Shutterstock series because at first glance I thought it was a swarm of bees in her lady region. But upon closer inspection, it’s just coffee beans.

Oh, those bastards at Folgers, always trying to entice us with sex to get us to buy their shitty coffee.

Warren Buffett’s First Even Sports Bet; And He Wins

It's good too, because the guy really needed the money

It’s good too, because the guy really needed the money

The CEO of Berkshire Hathaway, who is reportedly worth upwards of $65 billion, laid down his first-ever wager at a Las Vegas sports book over the weekend. Buffett bet $550 at the MGM Grand on his alma mater, the Nebraska Cornhuskers. Because the Cornhuskers easily covered the 12.5-point spread in a 55-19 blowout of Fresno State, Buffett earned $500.

Real quick, and then we’ll move on. The guy has been waiting 84 long years to place his first bet at a sports book in Vegas. And then when he finally does it’s a $550 bet to win $500. In other words it was basically a lock.

I’m just saying, that’s kind of a pussy bet Mr. B. And a sucker’s bet as we in the business call it. So go ahead keep you piles of money, but leave having a good ol’ time to Vegas to those of us who know what we’re doing.

Ya’all See That Mother Go All Crazy with Road Rage?

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I sense much anger in this one. Driving all over the road and nearly accosting this dude up by the Panda Express. And I don’t think she sees the irony of the situation; she’s all pissed that he cut her off in traffic then she’s driving all over the road pissing everybody else off so she can fulfill her own petty grudge. And check out her son in the front seat, that guy don’t know what the hell is going on and he’s wondering why mommy suddenly lost her goddamned mind.

Guess the moral of the story is that if you cut somebody off in traffic don’t get off the highway on a narrow road when crazy can come up behind you and start all sorts of lunacy.

Forget the NFL: The Real Danger is Female Body Builders

She wiped the floor with that little pencil neck dude

She wiped the floor with that little pencil neck dude

Award-winning bodybuilder Dani Reardon was liquored up when she beat up her live-in boyfriend and kicked in his windshield early Sunday, police say. The 24-year-old then allegedly bashed her head repeatedly into the cage of a patrol vehicle after her arrest in Orange County, Florida.

Reardon — an Internet-famous power lifter know online as “Little Monstar” — was charged with resisting arrest and domestic violence. She allegedly tackled and hit her beau, pulled out plants, cracked the truck windshield and screamed at Edgewood police when they arrived, according to the Sun Sentinel.

Her boyfriend, Ian Schofield, refused to press charges. But cops threw the book at her after her alleged breakdown in the back of the patrol car.

This is the type of hurricane that won’t just beat the shit out of you in front of all of your guy friends. She’s also taunt you by picking her teeth with your favorite power tool when she’s finished.

But, I dunno. Check her out. Brother gets to take that to bed every night. I guess a drunken ass-kicking every now and then is worth it when all is said and done. I mean, I’ve been in a bar fight or two, and I didn’t get to hop in bed with a super muscle chick after, that’s for true.

All in all, I think the worst thing she did was “pull out plants.” Sure, your beau is a dick because he forgot your birthday, but what the fuck did those plants ever do to you?

Anyway, watch this little beast do her thang:

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Scotland Loses! Scotland Loses! Oh the Humanity, Scotland Loses!

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In Scotland (Or should I say the U.K.) voting Scots have said “No” to “Yes.” Scotland’s first ballet initiative for independence from the UK empire has been shot down by their own people. And sure the pro-No Scots who argued with generic terms like “jobs” and “economy” are happy about their tomfoolery, but for many other hard working Scotsmen these be dark times:

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Sorry Scots, maybe you’ll get the chance again in another couple hundred of years.

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Shut up, Queenie! Nobody likes a sore winner!!!