Billy Joel Got Bumped For The Pope! Disgraceful!

Come on, Madison Square Garden! If you make plans with somebody, you have to keep them. You can’t change plans at the last minute because some “cooler” more exciting friend wants to do something the very same day. That’s just going to make you look like an asshole.

Besides, you look like assholes anyway, replacing something exciting like this:

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With something painstakingly dull, like this:

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Wake the hell up, Pope! You have company!

Man Kills Wife, Blames Weed Candy

This undated photo provided by the Denver Police Department shows of Richard Kirk. Kirk is being held for investigation of first-degree murder in the death of his wife in their Denver home. Police are investigating whether marijuana played a role in the killing. (AP Photo/Denver Police)

DENVER — A Denver man accused of shooting his wife after eating candy infused with pot more than a year ago has changed his plea to not guilty by reason of insanity.

Richard Kirk, 29, is charged with first-degree murder for killing his wife in April 2014, according to the Associated Press. His defense attorney said Kirk did not intend to kill his wife because he was impaired after eating “Karma Kandy Orange Ginger.” He pled not guilty in March.

Oh, man… This story seemed funnier when I initially heard about it… But… nope… nope!

This guy definitely killed his wife in cold blood, is lying about the weed candy, and he doesn’t give a shit… because he’s a monster…

 

British PM Allegedly Got Blown By Dead Pig (Another Boring BBC Story, Amirite?)

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A soon-to-be-published biography claims British Prime Minister David Cameron placed a “private part of his anatomy” into the mouth of a dead pig as part of an initiation ritual when he was a student at Oxford.

The sordid allegation was made in the unauthorized biography “Call Me Dave,” co-written by Parliament member Michael Ashcroft and journalist Isabel Oakeshott, excerpted by London’s Daily Mail.

The book claims the pig’s head was resting in the lap of a Piers Gaveston society member when Cameron placed his own member into its maw during a party.

Cameron got blazed at recurring pot parties and entertained a slew of beautiful women in his dorm room, the book claims.

My question though, is why is the Cameron camp denying and trying to distance themselves from this story? Dave certainly sounds like an epic party machine to me.

I mean, shit. We’ve got Donald Trump over here in the Colonies’ political picture. And I would be more surprised to hear that there was a dead animal that he didn’t dip his wang in!

Buffalo Bills Didn’t Look Very Good, But At Least Aaron Williams Is Okay.

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It’s always gotta be the Patriots… I tire of it. At least we didn’t fold toward the end and brought the deficit down to 8… but I’m tired of excuses. We gotta nut up or go home. It’s a long season, folks, and we’ll see them again…

And thankfully Aaron Williams was released from the hospital and everything appears okay. The guy has been playing solid for us, for five years now. Good work mate.

The rise of the Bills is coming though, mark my word.

Observation: So Many Fake Transgender People In The Moving Pictures These Days

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What do the dad from ‘Arrested Development’ and the little girl from ‘The Door in the Floor’ have in common?

They’re both trying to out transgender the other in popular media today. And who can blame them, transgender people are a big topic of conversation these days.

Well… I suppose I can blame them… because it seems weird, knowing that neither of them are actually transgender, and in ten to twenty years this will probably looked back upon as in league with old mistral shows, with all the blackface and whatnot.

Today In, Completely Necessary Jobs: Water Sommeliers

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And now, this guy. The person in most need of a punch in the mouth in all of America. Most of you probably don’t even know what a Wine Sommelier is because of the completely uselessness of his/her given profession. It’s a person who tastes wine and recommends which one will go best with your meal. And they’re payed handsomely for holding their dicks all day, and their noses are sometimes insured for millions of dollars.

And now this joker in LA is doing something similar with water. And all because he has a doll collection with all the eyes cut out and sleeps naked in a pile of Jodie Foster posters.

I mean… I assume.

Win Janis Joplin’s Porsche. Wait… Janis Joplin Had A Porsche.

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So, here’s a thing… You all know that drunken hippy with the gravely voice, same one who was always on about Mercedes and everything…

So she had this Porsche (pronounced, Poor-Sha), and apparently it was a thing… and now forty five years after her death, its being auctioned off.

Glad I got out of bed for this one…

News Of The Bwahhh? (Kentucky Edition)

Dude, don’t waste that brisket, it’s fucking brisket, it’s incredible.

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I gotta say though, there is a ton of pontificating over a guy throwing some delicious beef that has been slow-cooked for 13+ hours at a bare minimum. The guy threw food as a form of assault, take him in and charge him.

After that, get back to the BBQ for chrissakes!

News Of The Bwahhh?

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KEARNEY, Neb. (AP) – A Nebraska man believes he and his 2-year-old son were poisoned by a methamphetamine-tainted coffee maker at an Omaha hotel.

Travis and Amber Richard and their children spent Labor Day weekend in Omaha.

He says he used the coffee maker and coffee package in their room on Sept. 6 and began to feel weird within 20 minutes of drinking the coffee.

He says his son also took a sip and got sick on the drive back home to Pleasanton. Both sought medical treatment and are awaiting confirmation from tests.

I think the saddest part of this story is that these poor Nebraska folk think that a hotel in Omaha is a proper Labor Day getaway.

As far as the coffee being spiked with meth… absolutely! Anybody who doubts these two are fools. What else is there to do in Omaha on a Friday night besides pranking people by lacing their java with hillbilly heroin!

How ‘Bout That Guy Who Won 2 Milly on Fan Duel?

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Excellent work, Scott H. (It’s only “H.” that way people don’t bother him and ask for money). The current football season is still in its infancy and this brother has already banked a cool 2 million. And he’s in this commercial acting like it ain’t no thang.

Dude, invest some of that money, right now! Don’t waste time filming Fan Duel commercials, you’re in the upper echelon now.

That’s it, folks, I’m quitting my cubicle life and I’m joining Fan Duel full time. If this joker could bank a couple million, think how much I could clean up over the next few weeks.

Because this guy is totally real, and this situation absolutely happened. That is all.

Today In: What’s On The Alternative Dial Today?

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Nathaniel Rateliff is keeping it old-timey like it’s his job; yet still keeping it a little bit hipster, like a chameleon who’d just watched the Blues Brothers movie.

Check Out This Guy Get Tasered In Super Slow Motion

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At first I didn’t know why this YouTube video was needed at all. It’s a guy getting tased, just like we’ve seen hundreds of times before. And if you happen to live in a metropolitan city, you’ve probably seen it tens of thousands of times.

And then it hit me, maybe there are still two or three people out there that don’t realize that tasers are brutal as hell. So there you have it.

No, no, no, wait. Not even close. This volunteer only agreed to five seconds of tase. That’s nothing like how things happen in the real world. I’ve seen some cops taser dudes until the charge runs out, with a complete blank expression on their face the whole time. All the time the guy being tased is freaking out, screaming, making a mess, and everybody’s too afraid to intervene.

Now that’s the experience you have to recapture if you’re really trying to give us ignorant YouTube watchers a lil’ bit of realism.

There Is No Denying Tyrod Taylor #BuffaloBills

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Can’t get behind the Bills, I understand, they’ve got fans hopes up thousands of times before, over the last couple of decades.

But one thing you can get behind is: The Big Man, Number 5, Tyrod Taylor. This kid’s got moxy I tell ya. And style from here till judgment day. Look at that post game outfit like it ain’t no thing.

Now, maybe I’m jumping the gun here, but just maybe this gun is in need of a good jumping!

See you next week, Patriots.

BuffaloGreg Is Revved Up For Another Season of Buffalo Bills Football

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Did you see that, Boston? We just stepped over Andrew Luck and the rest of the 2015 Indianapolis Colts like they were a bunch of meaningless gnats!

Talk about a one sided game (until the second half, where for a moment or two it looked like me might blow the entire thing. But then we didn’t!!!!)

And then the rest of the AFC East had to win, just to be a bunch of pricks. But seriously, they’re gonna put NY against Cleveland the first week… c’mon!

Schwarzenegger Replaces Trump… Oh, Never mind It’s Just Some Shitty TV Show

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Never mind, false alarm. Arnold is replacing Trump on that show The Apprentice. He’s not replacing him in running for President of the United States like I thought. Nothing to see here people, nothing to see.

But seriously, what are you waiting for Arnold? This country needs a President Schwarzenegger and we need it now! You’re running outta time big guy.

Schwarzenegger 2020?

My Former Number One Running Back Sells Skittles On EVINE. And That About Does It For Him

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So, being a Buffalonian, caused me to be a huge fan of Marshawn Lynch (Beastmode) for a number of years.

Sure, he was embarrassing and childlike, but that was back a number of years ago when he was in his early twenties. And that wasn’t a problem, kids will be kids, and whatnot.

But now the man is nearly thirty years old. And despite all logic he still refuses to grow the fuck up! And the sad thing is, he’ll probably never breach outside that “millionaire who never truly needs to understand the outside world” bubble. So he’ll be stunted in a childlike baby state forever.

Whatever, at least my team doesn’t have to string along his childlike candy ass for numerous more seasons. He can go on being a clueless chump and I don’t ever have to care. And that’s what makes trading his ass without thinking of the magnitude does for a squadron. Good on us, for once.

 

These Aussies Inadvertently Make The Best Jaws Anniversary Video

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“Stuff Summah” she says. And that about wraps up the news desk in sunny, amazing Australia. Who needs it, amirite? Let’s play hockey if it ever gets cold, and let’s not worry about such things a Megasharks. Them’s for the birds, them am!

 

How ‘Bout That Barbie Jeep Girl?

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C’mon girl’s family, aren’t you being a bit too hard on her. Sure she fucked up, but doesn’t every college co-ed about her age, fuck up?

The answer is yes, most just don’t get caught.

So you go ahead, Barbie Jeep collegian, live it up. Ain’t nobody telling ya what you can and cannot do!

Cheers!

C’mon, Roseanne, You’re Not Fooling Anybody

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So friggin Roseanne is thin now. But the question you should be asking is: “Who cares, she’s in her sixties?”

Well, thin Roseanne is a thing now, and that’s all there is to it. But the real, real question you should be asking is, “since when is it important to worry about Roseanne?”

I’ll tell you. It’s that one time she sang the National Anthem and grabbed her lady parts. No other time was she ever relevant. Nobody gives a shit that she had a TV show, that is lost to the past now.

Here’s that one time though:

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Yep. Who the fuck ever thought that would be a good idea? Fun though, right?

Stop Trying to Impress Me, Google! You Fail!

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God, you bore the piss outta me, Google! Who gives a shit that you’re changing logos? Nobody! We sit with you for a minute or so, and then you send us to the site that we really need. Nobody’s worried about what you look like! Step off!

Get back to work on your self driving car or something, for christ’s sake! Fuck man, you didn’t even change the colors or nothing! I never would have realized your change unless you fucking told me. And crap, way to let it be known to everybody, you were sucking your own dick for days when you changed logos. Way to have an overwhelming sense of self worth, dickheads!

Happy Trails, Wes Craven

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How the hell did BuffaloGreg miss this? He was there and then he was gone. C’mon mate, you had a ton of work ahead of you, it’s sad to see you go.

I mean, we don’t need John Carpenter to go forward, his best work is behind him, but you dude, you had another hit in front of you, I’m sure.

Either way, happy trails!

I Found All These Random Pics Of Hot Chicks That I Felt I Needed To Share With You

So I just wrote that last post and while looking for a picture, I found all these random pics of just hot chicks, I figured you would not mind if I put them here.

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Summer Is Over. Time To Go Back To Work People

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Well it is that time of year. Summer is over and we all have to go back to work. The days of public drinking and drooling over chicks in bikinis is over. It is now time punch the clock instead of punching the clown.
So I guess that means your boy Muff is gonna have to do some work here on the old BostonDrunks.com site.
I guess I hate the new format and theme. I may have to go back to something more classic and less sexy.
I guess I should hire another writer or two. BuffaloGreg has been holding down the fort all summer while I drank and got sunburns.
Time to go back to work!
No wait, it’s Labor Day, fuck that!

Bernie Sander’s 1987 Spoken Word Album, Check It Out!

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Bernie has been rocking nigh 30 years, and like a fine wine he improves with age.

Here’s just a sampling of his spoken word album he recorded in 1987 with a bunch of other Vermont artists who weren’t Bernie Sanders.

If this guy doesn’t become our next president, I’m moving to Brazil, swear to God!

Check Out This Guy Who Ate 17 Big Macs, And Then Proceeded To Hate His Life

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I don’t know why I’m obsessed with idiots trying to eat a whole bunch of food in a very short amount of time, but I am.

This guy attempted 25 Big Macs in an hour, wound up with just over 17, and then wanted to end his life. And the special sauce, onions, cheese, pickles, and lettuce wound up all over his beard and it was pathetic, and I pitied the guy.

Welp, I’ll be back when some guy attempts 30 Quarter Pounders.

You’re Doing It Wrong, Toledo Ohio. You’re Doing It All Wrong.

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So this giant red ball is supposed to be art or something. Probably an artist’s interpretation symbolizing how shitty it is to live in Toledo, Ohio. And then it rolls away, because even a inanimate red ball doesn’t want to live in Toledo, Ohio.

And some idiot had the grand idea to make the thing 250 pounds so nobody is able to roll the bastard uphill, and that’s were we leave you Toledo, because nobody bothered to follow up on this story.

I’ve got two words: Holy Toledo! Yeah, remember that expression, it’s like old, from WWII or something, named after a battleship or whatever. Anyway, that’s all.