Old lady tits…so hot right now!
Never fuck with the old man from Up. Never
I want to live in a world where If you can get your car off the tow truck and be able to drive away, you win. Its like the death penalty and the electric chair malfunctions, you walk. Is that even a thing? Or just rumors that my friends would make up while we watched Faces of Death back in 1989. Still cant beat seeing rich people bash the monkey with mallets and then eat its brain for my money.
That’s right, it is now safe to assume that the world is fucking doomed. Antarctica reached it’s all time high temperature of 63.5 Fahrenheit!
The penguins and polar bears are flipping their shit right about now, and let’s not forget it’s fucking spring, shit ain’t even April yet. The fuck, Antarctica!
A German violinist on tour in the U.S. was arrested after he reportedly got naked at a Manhattan hotel and tried to strangle another guest, a 64-year-old woman, in her room.
Witnesses spotted Stefan Arzberger, the 42-year-old lead violinist for the Leipzig String Quartet, walking around the Hudson Hotel buck naked Friday morning, police told the New York Post.
According to the criminal complaint against Arzberger, he knocked on the victim’s door around 8 a.m., barged in, and choked her “so hard that the blood vessels in her eyes were ruptured,” the Post reports.
Arzberger, who has no criminal record, was charged with strangulation and burglary. He’s since been released on bond.
The moral of the story here. It doesn’t matter if your door is locked or how secure your fancy hotel room is. If naked Germans want to, they WILL find a way to strangle the fuck out of you!
New York is a concrete city populated by humans—for now. But is that a tire screech you hear, or a pack of coyotes howling at the moon, living in your old apartment, lying in wait? New, disturbing evidence out of Queens suggests we’re running on borrowed time.
It’s a real broken windows situation, according to the Daily News, which reports the coyotes have escalated from pickup basketball games and loitering on street corners to squatting in vacant apartment buildings and plotting to break into bars.
Sorry, NYC; but you blew it. Over the past 200 years you’ve turned a few lots of pleasant island land into a overcrowded hipster garbage dump.
Now, it’s the coyote’s turn. Run and be afraid. Your ancestors would be ashamed of your puny leg muscles as you run in terror from a once easily defeatable foe. Maybe next time, human race!
I have literally (not figuratively) never enjoyed a song by AWOLNATION, but then this fucking Bad Wolf song comes around and completely redeems them! Good work band comprised of middle aged white guys.
Also above, a remix that’s okay…
According to the Roane County News, Everett Chattman was dining at a Pizza Hut in Harriman, Tennessee when a crouton shattered his specialized partial denture. After the restaurant’s insurance company refused to work it out, Chattman’s lawyer Mark Foster decided to sue.
On Friday, Judge Jeff Wicks awarded Chattman $2,400, plus interest and court costs. Asked if he believed his client was satisfied, Foster told the paper “I think so.”
Some news stories just make you feel good. See, BuffaloGreg is old enough to remember that time an old lady spilled a bunch of McDonald’s hot coffee directly into her vagina. Then after a year of screwing around some fucking court awarded her $6 billion dollars or something ridiculous like that.* Now, if you don’t think that’s out of control, you really have some sort of coffee in crotch fetish.
This guy though, 24 hundo and out. Good stuff.
(*In reality the old Mcdonald’s lady in question wound up taking home a reasonable amount after a ungodly initial judgement, but c’mon I’m making a point here)