Grilling season is here.

 

If you have a grill, a brain, and a set of balls, a steak house should have nothing on you.  I have never had a better steak than from my own grill and I’ll share some pointers.  1. Rub the steak in coarse kosher salt at least an hour before cooking but not longer than a day.  Place a the steak on a cooling rack in a bake sheet in the fridge covered in paper towel.  This causes the outside of the steak to dry a bit and allows the enzymes within the steak to start breaking down fibrous material to make it more tender.  Why would you want the outside dry?  It allows for better browning in which the Maillard reaction takes place.  A grey steak is caused by the steak’s own steam cooking the meat.  Steam is the enemy.  2.  Pepper the steak and let the steak come up to room temperature for an hour or two, depending on thickness, before cooking.  This will allow you better control.  The exception being extremely thin steaks which you may want to throw in the freezer for 15min before cooking.  3. Have no fear of the heat.  I say grill steaks every time because I let ’em smoke and I don’t want that in my house.  Oil up your grill with some peanut oil or other high smoke point oil, get it to 500+ degrees, and throw on your steak.  A thicker fattier steak needs to be cooked at lower temperatures to avoid the fat setting fire to the neighborhood.  If you have a really thick steak you can pre-brown the outside with a propane torch which will give you your nice browned crust and allow you to cook the steak at a lower temperature more evenly.  4. Call me a hack but I cut into the thickest piece to check for doneness.  when I plate the steaks I take the cut piece for myself and plate it cut side down so I still look like a boss.  If you don’t want to do that by all means use a thermometer, they work.  5. Let the meat rest.  when you cook meat the fibers and proteins contract which will force water out and make it seem tough.  If you put the steaks on a plate under a loose piece of aluminum foil for 5-15 minutes the steaks will “relax,” reabsorb their juices, and will be more tender.  5.  Ask a butcher, a real one, any question you want about steaks and they will gladly share their expertise.  And you don’t need to spend an arm and a leg either… Happy grilling

I was randomly thinking of an old ‘Beastie Boys’ song and it wasn’t even ‘Sabotage.’

YouTube Preview Image

This random old chestnut dropped into my head. Weird song, weird video, but CLASSIC Beasties! RIP MCA.

Here’s ‘Sabotage’ anyway, because it’s dope!

YouTube Preview Image

I don’t know much about art, but I know this guy has musical notes painted on his ass

From "The Garden of Earthly Delights" by Hieronymus Bosch.

From “The Garden of Earthly Delights” by Hieronymus Bosch.

If you thought ‘butt dialing’ was a problem, in 1500’s Netherlands you didn’t want to fall asleep in the middle of an orgy. Otherwise someone would have ‘butt composed’ all over your ass.
Then again, in modern times it’s not that wise of an idea to fall asleep slap-dad in the middle of an orgy either. Cause how often are you gonna get the opportunity?

Just remember the password is 'Fidelio,' it's always 'Fidelio.'

Just remember the password is ‘Fidelio,’ it’s always ‘Fidelio.’

Strange, Stranger, Strangest

That’s Strange:

p3
A man in Philadelphia, wearing only boxer shorts was able to smash the shit out of at least 14 police cruisers with what was described as an “archaeological hammer.”

That’s Stranger:

p4
The cop that finally apprehended the guy, was named Lt. Paul Hammer.

Now That’s Just Fucked Up:

p5
The suspect assured cops, as he was being arrested, that he was Tupac Shakur. So not only is this guy psychologically ill, it appears that he has been untreated since at least 1996, when the east coast/west coast rivalry was at its apex.

Our boys in blue (balls)

Protect your local stripper. Because next, they could come for you!

Protect your local stripper. Because next, they could come for you!

San Diego cops recently raided ‘Cheetah’s’ strip club. Why? No reason really. Just a random permit check. A permit check that required a raid? And pictures being taken of the girls from numerous angles?
Bad form cops. You know you can go to ‘Cheetah’s’ any time you want when you’re off duty. You’ll probably even get a comp or two because you’re a fucking cop.
Bad form guys.

I no expert on the subject, but it’s clear that guns with laser sights are for pussies

p1

Where’s the sport brother? Use a regular sight and work on your marksmanship. Otherwise it’s basically guns for children. Which I’m against.

Josh Brolin admits to chasing the dragon hard, back in the 1980’s

p1

“Yeah I tried heroin,” he says. “But I didn’t get addicted and I didn’t die.”
Then he went on to say that a very specific 19 of his friends died from the Chinese Red. And almost everybody in his old gang is now dead.
Now, if he had said 20 friends, I would have known that what he’s saying is all bullshit. But 19, that sounds legitimate.
Good work Brolin! Being that one guy out of twenty not succumbing to the H.

I really want to join a gym, but they’re way too crowded.

p3

Just pick your weights and move on!

p5

Are you even going to wipe down the equipment when you’re done?

p4

I can’t even see the Yoga instructor, you’re in my way.

 

St. Patrick’s Day observed in 2 days. So here is my ‘Memento’ style diary.

I’m not going to remember anything on Sunday and probably Monday morning as well. So what do I need to tattoo on myself?

p5 p6 p7 p8

 

p11

 

That should do it!

Hal Douglas dies, who did he think he was, Don Lafontaine?

p3

It’s sad when any bloke dies. Hal was a voice over guy for movie trailers. But if you want the real thing, you gotta go with Don Lafontaine, although in Hal’s defense (which he used for the last 6 years), Don himself died in 2008.
‘Highlander’ style. There can be only one!

When all was said and done, Don looked way more pimp!

When all was said and done, Don looked way more pimp!

Bill Cosby is probably going to die soon, and that makes me sad!

Epic beard still!

Epic beard still!

You need to work more Cosby. Do another show for NBC. If you lay vacant any longer I fear for the rest of your life.
The world needs your comedy, you still see it better then most of us.
#CosbyLives
Buy his older albums people, he won’t be around forever!

Neil Young wants to bring music back to the good old days. Is it practical?

"I'm so crazy, I'm giving apps away form $399!"

“I’m so crazy, I’m giving apps away form $399!”

My record player was $25 dollars at a yard sale. And the thing works beautifully.
But according to Neil Young, for only $400, you can have that same experience on your phone! On your phone?
This cost Kickstarter fans upwards of $2 million!
Hello? Neil? Victrolas are still a thing, let me keep my $375, plus all the money I would have to spend to download each song individually! (I could get a record with 8-10 songs for about $8.)

Conrad Murray is the reality of George Carlin’s punchline

p10

George Carlin: Somewhere in the world is the world’s worst doctor. And what’s truly terrifying is that someone has an appointment with him tomorrow morning.

"I'll kill you dead in 30 minutes, or it's free!"

“I’ll kill you dead in 30 minutes, or it’s free!”

And that guy is Dr. Conrad Murray. Please people, don’t got to Trinidad and Tobago for any of your medical needs! Especially if you’re a child, the fucker is a pediatrician now!

San Francisco Mint making curved coins, because of baseball?

Useless

Useless

Why are we still making new coins? The USA has money problems as is. But you dicks are making a curved baseball themed coin, that nobody is really going to spend. Way to go, San Fran!
While we’re wasting money, let’s just make pennies with lighthouses on the back, and dollar coins with model’s tits on them!

Macklemore and I are done professionally

Gotta have the right TOOLS for every job!

Gotta have the right TOOLS for every job!

Remember when Dr. Dre did that sweet rap about lifting the toilet seat and cleaning the pee? Neither do I.
Macklemore did his own and it ruined the tiny iota of cred. he had left.
Get fucked Macklemore!
Here’s that one with Jennifer Lawrence:

YouTube Preview Image

I’ve come to really hate this guy…

Dottie Sandusky wins Scumbag of the Year award!

Thankfully you'll probably die soon anyway.

Thankfully you’ll probably die soon anyway.

Seriously, ‘The Today Show.’ Don’t talk to this human piece of excrement!
She is the biggest scumbag I can think of, besides Jerry Sandusky and Joe Patero, obviously.
The more you let her talk, the more we have to think about all of these complaisant assholes!
You deserve a jail cell just as much as your husband, bitch.
So does Paterno, but thankfully that fucker is dead!

Throwback Thursday

Last week when I talked about Black History Month

p5
It was a simpler time last week when I remembered BHM 2014. The new one is still 50 weeks away. I’m thinking I still don’t quite understand throwback Thursday…

‘The Last Temptation of Christ’ was the last time that Jesus came off as cool!

here's lookith at you kiddo!

“Here’s lookith at you, kiddo!”

This film came out in 1988. What are movies doing for that Jesus guy these days? Willem Dafoe killed it back in the day (and Harvey Keitel as Judas, c’mon!), but now we’re lucky if he gets two words in during a ‘Family Guy’ episode.
Step up your game Christianity! You’ve got SuperPope, it’s time that your leader is portrayed better in films. That’s all.

Jim Rome is not as interesting when he doesn’t have football.

To most of you, I'm probably still that guy who got thrown down by Jim Evert!

To most of you, I’m probably still that guy who got thrown down by Jim Evert!

Jim Rome does a decent radio/tv show. Only problem is that it is about 100x better during football season. Reason#1: The guy hardly talks about hockey. #2: Baseball is alright, but it also has an off season, and it’s basically filler most of the time. #3: NASCAR sucks and he should never speak of it. #4: Basketball only gets you so far, rest of the time you’re interviewing football guys during their break…
There’s no fix here, I’m just saying.

SXSW, remember the good old days of 2013?

"Are we rocking or what? Also, do I even have tits?"

“Are we rocking or what? Also, do I even have tits?”

This year it just seems that they’re doing it again because SXSW was so powerful in 2013.
This year sure, they have bands nobody has heard of, and movies most people don’t care about, and also Tilda Swinton.
But why should I go in 2015? What can you do for me SXSW? Also I’d have to go to Texas…

Joel Osteen robbed like a Beotch!

Thieves running over thieves, what kind of world is this?

Thieves running over thieves, what kind of world is this?

C’mon Joel! You’re the king of making the paper off of people’s weaknesses.
So how are you going to let somebody come in and take over $600k?
What kind of fake altruistic bloke are ya?

How the hell did I forget Bono?

p4

I was talking about the best Irish celebrities yesterday, and the only one I could really think of is Liam Neeson.
Sure, Liam’s good and all, but when you think about famous Irish people, Bono should always be the first on your mind.
The guy’s the most Irish Mic out there! He’s so Irish that the blarney stone kisses him, and any snake would be a fool to get within 10 feet of him. The guy sweats potatoes for godsakes!
Compared to Bono, Liam Neeson is basically a Nigerian.

Fuck! Also forgot Morrison!

Fuck! Also forgot Morrison!

Kesha drops the $ from her name after kicking the shit out of rehab

She's still got that new rehab smell.

She’s still got that new rehab smell.

I think this celebration is a bit premature girl. It’s not that I don’t wish you the best. Buuuuuuuuuuuuut, if you think you are 100% cured after one stint in rehab, you’re in for a rude awakening babe.