You Done Good, Taco Bell

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First a crapload of taco related faire for breakfast and now booze; You’re the gift that keeps on giving, Taco Bell.

Unfortunately, now I’m gonna have to move back to Chicago, b/c that’s the only place Taco Bells’ will be serving alcohol at (for now). I lived in Chicago and let me tell you, they served booze everywhere, EVERYWHERE! Bookstores, libraries, churches, during Blagojevich’s court hearings; but not a Taco Bell, never at Taco Bell!

And it’s not just beer, oh no! It’s beer, wine and “mixed alcohol Taco Bell freezes.”

And if mixed alcohol Taco Bell freezes don’t sound like the most refreshing beverage ever in life, then you’re dead inside and I wish suffering for you and your entire family for six generations forward!

dun, dun, dun, dun-nah!

dun, dun, dun, dun-nah!

Delta Airlines To Sell Craft Beer On Flights Soon And Time Magazine Hates Hipsters

airplane beer

Time.com Drinking alcohol is generally a good thing to do before and/or during a long flight. (Just remember not to get too trashed because you’ll cause problems.) Sadly, though, in-flight adult beverage options tend to be pretty disappointing. This week, however, Delta Airlines passengers will have a new option: craft beer.

Yup, Delta will soon be serving beer from the following craft breweries:

  • Ballast Point Brewing Company (San Diego)
  • Blue Point Brewing Company (Long Island, NY)
  • Brooklyn Brewery (Brooklyn, NY)
  • Lagunitas Brewing Company (Petaluma, Calif.)
  • Newburyport Brewing Company (Newburyport, Mass.)
  • Samuel Adams (Boston)
  • Stone Brewing Company (Escondido, Calif.)
  • SweetWater Brewery (Atlanta)

Has craft beer — the sweet, sweet nectar of urban hipsters trying to impress their friends who are in town for the weekend — officially jumped the shark? No, worse. It has boarded a plane and flown over the shark. So, the next time that one co-worker of yours who, at an awkward group happy hour, raises an eyebrow at your Yuengling and snidely remarks, “I only drink craft beer,” you can be all, “Oh, like the kind they serve on planes?”

Damn Time Magazine! Drop the mic and walk away, we get it, you hate hipsters. Guess what Time, everyone hates hipsters. But people do love good beer, also people love getting drunk 30,000 feet up in the air. getting hammered on a plane is the why the Wright brothers invented flight.

Who Knew Your Pool Float Was Also A Great Place For An 18 Pack Of Beer?

Pool float 18 pack of beer

Hey Summer may be closing out but this makes me want to throw on the trunks and get hammered enough to drown! Yes, using a pool float as a floating 18 pack of beer is pure awesomeness. This is a way to bring your summer drinking game up to another level. Another fun way to make this floating beer wonderland into a game…..ring toss, get a ring around the beer, your opponent has to drink it. Boom! Get a lifeguard.

The Cactus Club In Back Bay Has Closed, Lost Lease

Cactus Club_image

BostonGlobe.com- The Cactus Club in Boston’s Back Bay neighborhood has closed. The popular Mexican restaurant’s president, Jim Lifton, told the Globe that the lease expired and they couldn’t come to an agreement to extend it. While the establishment, located on the Boston Marathon route at 939 Boylston St., is closed indefinitely for now, Lifton said they are looking for spaces elsewhere, so there may be another Cactus Club in Boston’s future.

This sucks, where are we gonna get drunk on Boylston Street now? Oh wait, maybe any of the other bars on that block. Muff will miss this joint. Used to be a great place to pick up chicks who would get hammered on giant margaritas. Also I think they used to do like dollar tacos on Tuesday nights or some shit like that. Besides, now this will pave they way for another generic upscale bar that no one will have fun in. Yes I see you Dillons.

Massachusetts Is the Second Worst State To Drink In According To Time Magazine

BostonDrunks Map Shirt

TimeMagazine.com-The Worst

1. Utah: Many of the restrictive drinking laws around the country derive from a religious skepticism of alcohol, and Utah’s strong religious culture has helped motivate the passage of sundry drinking restrictions. Only beer with less than 3.2% alcohol by weight can be sold in grocery and convenience stores or on tap. Like a strong drink? You’re out of luck in Utah, as cocktails can only contain 1.5 ounces of a primary liquor, while alcohol can’t be purchased in restaurants without food. Oh yeah, keggers are out of the question too, as keg sales are prohibited.

2. Massachusetts: Massachusetts is well-known for its many colleges and universities, but the state’s laws seemed aimed at preventing these students from having very much fun. Out of state drivers licenses aren’t acceptable proofs of age under state law, meaning that out-of-state visitors can get turned away from bars. Bars are also prohibited from  allowing drinking games on their premises, and perhaps worst of all, happy hours are banned state wide.

3. Pennsylvania: If you’re not from the Keystone State, stocking up for a party can be a pretty confusing task. All wine and liquor sold in the state are done so by state-owned liquor stores, which don’t sell beer at all. If you want a six-pack of brews, you would think that a “beer distributor” would be the place to go, except that those establishments are only allowed to sell cases. For anything less you have to go to a restaurant with a liquor control board-issued license. Got all that? Me neither. Who needs a drink?

Normally I would be all pissed about a report where someone is trashing my drinking habits and lifestyle, but you know what, Time Magazine is right, we do suck as a state. No happy hour is what kills us. Happy hour is awesome. Just a reason to drink between 3-6. Other sates you can buy booze everywhere. 7-11, CVS, little mom and pop shops, supermarkets Ect. Shit down in Atlanta they sell booze at gas stations 24 hours a day. I once walked into a gas station hammered in the 404 and bought a bottle of Jack and drank it while walking down the street. That is what we need here in The Bay State!

Three Cheers For Drunks! Massachusetts Liquor Stores Can Soon Sell Alcohol Before Noon on Sundays

Bunghole-Liquors

bostonmagazine.com- Governor Deval Patrick, who’s wrapping up a final stretch of signing legislation that’s spilling out of the State House doors this session, inked a bill this week that will allow liquor store owners in Massachusetts to sell alcohol to patrons before noon on Sundays.

The bill, heralded by State Representative Elizabeth Poirier, a Republican from North Attleborough, gives stores the power to make the sales two hours earlier than normal, beginning at 10 a.m., so they can compete with bordering states like New Hampshire and Rhode Island on the weekends. Doing this will keep money spent on alcohol during big events and celebrations on Sundays here in Massachusetts.

The new law expands on the state’s existing allowance of the sale of liquor on Sundays, which was first passed in 2003, and goes into effect in three months, according to officials.

Can this be any better timing now that football season is about to start! You will be able to buy beer before noon on Sundays. Now I do miss the days of having to drive like a madman as fast as I could to New Hampshire every Sunday, but now I have no need to live free or die anymore. Early morning Sunday booze shopping sprees are here! No longer will we have to miss NFL pregame shows while running out to the packie. No longer will I have to plan ahead before going to the Pats games!  The glory days are here! Only one thing can sum up how I feel!

Cue Don King waving American flags!

Don King Waving American Flags USA USA USA

Wynn Wants You To Take A Boat To His New Boston Casino in Everett

Boston Casino Boats

BostonGlobe- Casino developer Steve Wynn imagines his own fleet of custom-built catamarans ferrying tourists and conventioneers from downtown Boston and the Seaport to a riverfront gambling palace in Everett, an extensive new service to reduce car traffic to the proposed resort.

Wynn’s company likes the idea so much, it now estimates that 6 percent of patrons would use the water transit service, double its original forecast — a projection challenged by a rival casino applicant.

The increase in projected boat ridership is beneficial to Wynn Resorts because it allows the company to lower estimates for the number of car trips to the casino over already congested roads. Car traffic, especially through Sullivan Square in Charlestown, is one of the major complaints raised by opponents, and a critical issue in the state gambling commission’s evaluation of any casino project.

Not sure if I like the idea of having to get to the casino by boat. Yea, it is cool on the way there. Your on a boat, happy, ready to party. Then you lose a quick grand and your ass has to take to the high seas to get home. Thoughts of sinking the boat because you blew your savings on three card poker and Acey-Ducey.

really this post was just a way to play “I’m on a boat” for the 1000th time.

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Sad Day If Your A Dirty Dude In Boston, King Arthurs Strip Club In Chelsea Is Dead

king arthrs chelsea closed

BostonGlobe.com– CHELSEA — The cinder block fortress known as King Arthur’s Motel and Lounge has long been a kind of unofficial wild west for Greater Boston, the site of murders, a legendary police brutality case, a bombing and, of course, countless men tossing dollars in the dim light at nude women gyrating on stage.

Though less infamous than Boston’s old Combat Zone, King Arthur’s location just over the Mystic River made it irresistible to certain men on lunch break and criminals alike. Recently, a felon hoping to cash in on Steve Wynn’s plans for a $1.6 billion casino in nearby Everett attempted to take over the place.

But city officials, hoping to erase bad memories, have closed King Arthur’s, seizing on the owners’ failure to pay $300,000 in taxes as a chance to revoke the club’s liquor, nude entertainment, and innholder licenses. The owners vow to fight, but city officials hope this is the end of a tawdry 37-year era.

The only reason any BostonDrunk would ever venture over the produce market in Chelsea was to hit up this shit hole of a strip club. Yes it was half strip club and half sports bar/pool hall/motel but what a strange and wonderful place. You felt like you were alive in this joint, mainly because at any point your life could be taken.

I also loved that place for it is where strippers taught me the pussy slap. the girls there would slap there own pussys so hard that the wetness would end up on their hands, they would then “toss” or “sprinkle” the wetness all over you. What a classy joint! Nothing like a Dominican Stripper named bullet, who has a massive c-section scar, tossing her dirty poon juice in your face for a dollar. Ah, the memories!

By the way this place has some of the best Yelp reviews ever:

  • This place is small… Located by an industrial zone… No big deal. There is no cover charge; however, that is where it stops being affordable. All the beers are at $7 and everything else is like $10. Lap dances are $30 and they are timed, not per song since most of the nights there is no DJ… They play their own songs from a radio located in the back somewhere.

    The majority of the girls are Brazilian, most are average looking but a handful if you are lucky are keepers. Not worth going for the lap dances, I recommend stopping by for a drink, looking at the ladies and then leave. There are a lot of better clubs in Providence and south shore. Not to mention prices and touch-ability on their part 😉

  • The other reviews have me rollin!!!  This place is great – its sketchy and dangerous which makes it alluring.  I’m a fruit and I still went with a straight friend to watch some bishes do some strimpin.   Someone commented about the women being hot however all we saw were mis-aligned fake tits and c-section scars.

    The location is awesome – its an industrial wasteland littered with old train tracks and weird pipes running from tank to tank ABOVE the street.  If you’re not careful, you will break an axel.  The pot holes are insane!!

    I would never consider getting food from the burrito trailor accross the street.  I would never consider consider getting porn from the porn trailor accross the street either.

  • This place looks like the strip club scene from any movie that takes place in a third world Latin country. If you speak English, you, the bartender, and the bouncers will be the only ones who do. There are some definite shady characters in this place and it’s not too far out of the ordinary for someone to be thrown out for having a gun or knife. No joke. If you go there, be aware of your surroundings and keep in mind that this not your territory. It’s always best to run from a fight in a place like this. (Or outside a place like this as the case may be.) The drinks are expensive and you cannot be in lounge without a drink in front of you.
    On the bright side. MOST of the girls are Brazilian and MOST of them are stunning, friendly (if you can understand them) and dance enthusiastically. The ones that aren’t are pretty bad.
  • So my friend calls me the other night, “let’s hit up a strip club” he says, He made me an offer I could not refuse. We both decided to give King Arthur’s Lounge a try because it was geographically convenient. After showing our ID and getting a pat down, we make our way inside, my first impressions were this place is way to dark and screams sketchy the only way I was going to relax was to get a few beers, beer I think was priced at $7.

    We both sit down at pervs row to get the best angle. The girls that were there that night were mostly Brazilian. All had real boobs but out of the I dunno twelve dancers that we saw that night, six had nice boobs the others were either saggy or just looked weird. Three of the dancers that performed gave a good show, they did not leave anything to the imagination but given the poor lighting in that place, you could not really see any details only the lint on peoples shirt due to the funny black lights they got setup.

    As I normally do when I go to a strip club for the first time I get a lap dance from a girl that I felt would give me a wild lap dance. I ask her if she wanted to do one for me, she said yes, she walks me to the room and I pay $30 for the dance. It’s a small narrow corridor with seating booths, she escorted me to the last available booth, where she did her thing, now these dances are full contact, not the air dance shit, but don’t get too excited, the dances last for exactly 5 fucking minutes. I swear the dude who I gave my money to at the entrance to this hallway has a timer. What the hell? I want my $30 back. That shit ruined my night.

    In closing if you like to drink cheap beer in dark small space with black light lighting and enjoy very short expensive lap dances you might enjoy your experience.

  • Nestled between the “New England Produce Distribution Center” and the “Cash and Carry” and directly across from a porn/buritto vendor this place takes up the prime real estate of downtown Scaryville. STAY AWAY. Do not go after dark. Should you chose to go during daylight hours, do not stay longer than 15 minutes. Sure the strip club is totally nude… sure its only a 10 minute drive from downtown Boston. STAY AWAY. You only have one life to live, and King Arthur’s is the prime locale to lose it.

    One testament to how shady this place is: some enterprising young man saw a business opportunity from the mounting body count of King Arthur’s – so they built a Dunkin Donuts next door for the cops to hang out at while they wait for the next ‘187’.  Business at Dunks is booming… while I was at King Arthurs there were a minimum of two police vehicles parked outside.

    At King Arthur’s speaking Spanish/Portugese will be to your advantage… I speak broken Italian.. which can only get you a broken arm… so I chose not to speak.

No One In Boston Is Drinking Yuengling

Yuengling

BostonHeraldPennsylvania-based Yuengling Lager hit the Bay State with a bang back in March. Today it’s in the fight of its life to win over Boston beer drinkers.

“I’m not going to sugarcoat that it’s been a very competitive market, more competitive than any market we’ve seen before,” said Yuengling chief operating officer David Casinelli, a beer industry legend who turned a stale regional brand into a fast-growing powerhouse.

Yuengling today is the largest domestically owned brewery, as well as the nation’s oldest brewery. But Boston has proven a tougher keg to tap than many anticipated.

“(Yuengling) was hot out of the gates and hit a wall fast,” said Matt Mooney, the beer buyer at Boston Beer Garden in South Boston. “We sold three kegs of it the first Monday alone. Before long we were down to one keg a week.”

Boston Beer Garden recently kicked Yuengling off its draft list in favor of faster-selling brands.

“The novelty has worn off,” said Adam Hawk, manager at the Baseball Tavern in Fenway. Retailers report similar stories.

So let me get this straight, no one in Boston is drinking Yuengling. Let Uncle Muff tell you why…. The shit sucks. The shit is a hipster beer who is trying to mask itself as some cool traditional old school shit. One small problem, we already have that beer, it is called Narragansett.

What? Bars are getting rid of it on draft? You don’t say. Lets pretend Muff has a bar with 6 taps. Yeah we are gonna use two for Bud and Bud Light. Two for Sam and Sam Seasonal. One IPA and Guinness. So where the fuck am I gonna put the Yuengling? I’ll tell you where you put the Yuengling, in the trash!

Now if only Yuengling advertised with us a few months ago, maybe things would be better for them, I know they would be better for me. The best kind of beer is free beer!

This does remind me to tell all beer companies out there, send Muff beer!

State Lawmakers Kill The Dream Of Boston Bars Staying Open Until 4 In The Morning

drunk and passed out

TheBostonGlobe- The compromise state budget that emerged late Sunday left out a provision sought by Mayor Martin J. Walsh that would have permitted Boston-area bars and restaurants to stay open until 4 a.m.

Included in the Senate budget, the late-night license measure was highlighted by City Hall officials as a way of making Boston more attractive to foreign travelers accustomed to later closing hours.

But a group of city lawmakers actively opposed the later closing hours, saying they would diminish the quality of life in their neighborhoods, and lead to more drunk driving.

First off, who the fuck are these city lawmakers who claim that boozing it up until 4 A.M. would diminish the quality of life in their neighborhoods? My quality of life would be so much better cause I would be pulling so much drunk dirty girl ass out of Stats around 3:30 in the morning. Yea, crime may go up, but so will the amount of pussy I would be getting. So it is a win win! Besides assholes are gonna drive drunk weather it is 2 A.M., or 4 A.M.

Fucking city lawmakers!

Jeopardy Contestants Have No Clue What Natty Light Is

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I knew all that drinking when I was poor would pay off! At least I know what Natty Light is. Looks like this BostonDrunk is just dominating Jeopardy!

By the way I am still poor and drinking Natty Light.

Ladies, You Already Look Hot, But You Will Be Pure Lava In Our New Ladies Shirts!

Sober Sucks Bros Ladies Web Pic

Did BostonDrunks listen to our angry female fans? You bet your ass we did! Not about the amount of smut that we show daily, but about the lack of ladies style tanks. So now you chicks can look like pure lava. By the way, if you buy a Beer Me Bro shirt, you may never have to pay for another beer the rest of your life. All i know is that if a girl was wearing that, My ass is buying her a beer right away!

Click to shop!

Mass State Troopers To Hold Sobriety Check Points This Weekend Drunks

super-troopers-2-movie-post

Woburn.Patch.comThe Massachusetts State Police will hold a Sobriety Checkpoint in Middlesex County.

The checkpoint will be held Saturday, June 7 into Sunday, June 8 on a public way within Middlesex County. 

According to State Police, the purpose of the checkpoint is “to further educate the motoring public and strengthen the public’s awareness to the need of detecting and removing those motorists who operate under the influence of alcohol and/or drugs from our roadways.  It will be operated during varied hours, the selection of vehicles will not be arbitrary, safety will be assured, and any inconveniences to motorists will be minimized with advance notice to reduce fear and anxiety.”

Looks like this weekend will be bad weekend for driving people. Nothing is worse in life than having to sweat through a police checkpoint when you have only had one or two beers. Driving drunk sucks, but so do checkpoints. So don’t drink and drive this weekends Drunks.

Buy Our New “Beer Me Bro” BostonDrunks Skyline Series Shirt And Tank And Have An Awesome Summer

Web pic Beer Me Bro T shirt

Now if these shirts do not pay for themselves just in the amount of free beers people are going to give you, I will be shocked. Next time your at the beach and you need a cold one out of the cooler, just point to your shirt and let the world know you are a true BostonDrunk.

And as always, our shirts will get you laid big time!

Comes in all sorts or colors and sizes. We also have Talls and Tanks of course.

Click here to buy one

web pic Beer me Bro Tank BostonDrunks

Narragansett Del’s Shandy Is About As Summer As You Can Get!

Gansett Dells Shandy

Hello summer in New England! A classic Rhode Island beer and a fucking staple of the southern Massachusetts/ Little Rhody together in one sexy ass can, fuck yes! If you have never had Del’s lemonade, get your ass in a car and go get some!

PS- Love that it is “sold on merit”

The Am I Drunk? Shirt Will Be The Hottest Thing This Summer

Am I Drunk web picOne of of Tweeter peeps sent me this and I thought, what a fucking awesome shirt that would make. We love making money, so it had to become one. If this shirt does not pay for itself in free beer from people who think it is funny, I would be shocked. Also this shirt should get you laid! Plus they are under $20 and you get to buy Muff a beer! It is a win-win!

Click to buy T-shirt or Tank for the summer!

I Think We Are All Going To Drink A Lot Of Twisted Tea Lemonade This Summer

Twisted_Tea_lemonadeYes, Twisted Tea has come out with a Lemonade, Pink Lemonade, and Strawberry Lemonade. Say what you want, but the stuff is 5% booze and tastes fucking awesome. Yes, this is going to be a dangerous summer! This stuff can be pounded down so easily.  Pour the stuff over ice, chug it by the bottle, hell mix in some more vodka with it and take your pants off!

All i know is my over under for bottles drunk by October is 1800

I Have One Problem With The “Booze Bag”

Booze BagSo someone sent me this GIF of something called the “Booze Bag”. Yes you fill it with booze, strap it on, and enjoy your drinks. Only one fucking problem.. you drink by pissing out your booze.

Yes in theory, this is a good idea, just pissing out rum into your Coke at the game is a real wallet saver, but what happens when you have consumed all the rum, you’re drunk and you get confused? Next thing you know, your just pissing real piss into your Coke. I’ll pass on the piss and Coke at the ballpark.

PS- Booze Bag, send me one of these ASAP!

I Have Hit An Age Where Chivas And Ginger Is My Go To Drink Now

chivas and gingerSo I really learned something important while I was on vacation last week, Chivas and Ginger is now my go to drink. Just the taste of the scotch and the softness of the ginger ale, It is like a woman who is smart and sexy except she is in a glass with ice. Now don’t get me wrong, this is not a tropical drink, or a drink for the ball game, but when your in a classy joint and you want something that just screams I make 50K a year….boom Chivas and Ginger baby.

It Is Southie Parade Day Drunks!

St-Patricks-DayIt’s the most wonderful time of the year! Can’t wait to see some chick pissing behind a dumpster in 25 degree weather.

Southie parade girl peeingPS- Muff will be out at the parade so if you see me, give me a fucking beer!

BostonDrunks Shamrock Shirts! Buy Now For St. Patty’s Day Only $17.17

St Pattys Day Web Pic Green St Pattys Day Web Pic OrangeGive a man a fish and he eats once, teach a man to fish and he eats forever. That has nothing to do with the fact that you will look so badass in our BostonDrunks Shamrock T-Shirt on St. Patty’s Day. Yes you can throw up in Southie while rocking the BostonDrunks shirt. Comes in Kelly Green or Orange. We also have Tall ones in just Orange so you big drunks can stand out even more just like your boy Muff.

Click to buy a T-shirt in Kelly Green or Orange $17.17

Click to buy a Tall T-Shirt in Orange $15.53

How About Some Hot Alcoholic Drink Recipes To Get You Through Yet Another Snowstorm

Hot Booze Drinks babyYet another snowstorm is coming to hit Boston and make me stay indoors and get drunk. So how about some hot alcoholic drink recipes to get you through the storm. Getting drunk is what we do…..

Hot Buttered Rum

Coffee mug

– 2 oz Dark rum

– 1 oz Simple syrup Or 1 tsp Brown sugar

– Pinch of nutmeg

– Fill w/ hot water

– Garnish w/ cinnamon stick and small floating pat of butter.

Broken Leg

Coffee mug

– 1 oz Spiced rum

– Fill w/ hot apple cider

– Garnish w/ cinnamon stick

Cider of Sin

Coffee mug

– 1 oz Cinnamon schnapps

– Fill w/ hot apple cider

– Garnish w/ cinnamon stick

Butter Baby

Coffee mug

– 1 oz butterscotch schnapps

– Fill w/ hot chocolate

– Garnish w/ whipped cream

After Dinner Mint

Coffee mug

– 1/2 oz White creme de menthe

– 3/4 oz Peach liqueur

– 1/2 oz vodka

– Fill w/ hot chocolate

– Garnish w/ whipped cream

Snuggler

Coffee mug

– 1 oz Peppermint schnapps

– 1 tsp of sugar

– Fill w/ hot chocolate

– Garnish w/ whipped cream

Nutty Irishman

Coffee mug

– 1oz Bailey’s

– 1 oz Frangelico liqueur

– Fill w/ coffee

– Garnish w/ whipped cream and nutmeg

Irish Coffee

Coffee mug

– 1 oz Bailey’s

– 1 oz Irish whiskey

– Fill w/ hot coffee

– Garnish w/ whipped cream

Mexican Coffee

Coffee mug

1 oz Tequila

– 1 oz Kahlua

– Fill w/ hot coffee

– Garnish w/ whipped cream

Jamaican Coffee

Coffee mug

– 1 oz Light rum

– 1 oz Tia Maria or kahlua

– Fill w/ hot coffee

– Garnish w/ whipped cream

5 Hours Of Happy Hour Drinking In Key West Is What I Will Miss Most

happy-hourYes it is almost that time. Muff is packing up and heading back up north to Boston. I am leaving Key West and heading straight into a shitload of snow, cold, and sobriety. I have about a week left on the island. The thing that I will miss the most is going to be the 5 hours of happy hour. Yes that is right. 5 hours of buy one, get one free drinks. I got this drinking shit down to a science. Start here:

island dogs bar key west happy hourIsland Dogs Bar. Happy Hours are from 3-6 P.M. Buy one beer or well drink, get one free. Then you move your ass to this place around 5:30 P.M.

Lazy Gecko Happy HourLazy Gecko Bar. Happy Hours are from 5-8 P.M. Same deal. Buy one beer or well drink, get one free.

Boom, 5 hours of Happy Hour and you ass is drunk as hell and your off to the Garden Of Eden to dance the night away while wearing no pants.

Just A Video Of A Chick Drinking An Enitre Bottle Of Jager To Start Off Your Day

Now you know these chicks know how to party! This rough looking lady just takes down the whole bottle of Jager for a pack of smokes! Now that is marriage material if I have ever seen it! The best part is that it is on a Sunday! Fuck working tomorrow, when some one gets “Neknominated” or what ever the fuck they call this down under, you drink!

PS- I need one of those “drink it faster” condoms that they put on the bottle and I needed it yesterday.

PSS- Yes, I would let her blow me!

California Bartenders Now Have To Wear Gloves While Making Drinks

latex-glovesboozenews.comA sweeping new California law regarding when restaurant workers must wear gloves extends past the kitchen. The LA Times points out that the new rules also apply to bartenders, who now must wear gloves or use utensils when handling any component “that goes directly into your glass.” In practical terms, this means that bartenders in California are required to wear gloves or use utensils like tongs or tweezers when touching ice cubes and drink garnishes like herbs, lemon twists, or olives.

What the fuck kind of shit is this, bartenders now have to wear gloves? You know this shit is gonna spread everywhere. Now I am all for keeping food and shit clean, but for some reason I find this odd. Maybe because I enjoy a hot and sexy chick bartender, slapping a pair of rubber gloves on her is either gonna turn me off or fucking excite me to the max. So I am either gonna never tip a chick again, or just straight rocking wood while getting my woo woo shots.

Why Yes, This Is The Worlds Strongest Beer

Worlds strongest beerBoozenews.com- Move over, Armageddon. You are no longer the world’s strongest beer, at a mere 65 percent ABV. That title now belongs to Snake Venom, which has an ABV of 67.5 percent.

For comparisons sake, most whiskeys are between 40 and 50 percent ABV.

Both of these potent brews are crafted by Brewmeister, a Scottish brewery. The brewery created Snake Venom after fans deemed Armageddon “too weak” when it debuted in 2012. Snake Venom gets its bite thanks to smoked peat malt and both beer yeast and Champagne yeast.

The beer comes with a warning label warning prospective drinkers not to over-imbibe.

The 275 mL beer is currently retailing for £50 ($81) online.

Now this is a beer worth fucking drinking! One beer will just fuck you up faster than that tampon soaked in vodka that you shoved up your anus. I will say that 81 bucks is a little steep for a Friday night bender but can you really put a price on the ability to blackout after only opening one bottle cap?

Here Is Where You Can Get Drunk In Public People! Map Time!

Drinking In America map publicLooks like Erie just moved up my vacation list! Who knew you can just booze it up on the streets of Erie? I would make Butte jokes right now Butte I am too lazy.

Muff Went To The Lazy Gecko In Key West Last Night

lazygecko_picAs all of you know, Muff is down in Key West Florida for the winter. That means that my liver will be destroyed by the time St. Pattys Day comes around. So last night, the Pats were on, I figured time to hit The Lazy Gecko. This Duval Street staple is also know as the Southernmost Red Sox Nation Bar. Yep, Muff felt like he was back in Beantown while getting drunk at this place. They have Red Sox shit all over the walls. They even had one of our famous Yankees Still Suck Stickers on the freezer.

Yes it was happy hour until 8:00. That means two for one well drinks and draft beers. Can you say, hello shit loads of Bud Light! You order a beer and they give you a wooden token for another free beer. You can use the token right away or save them to drink for free some night. They also have a bar menu of $5 food items like wings, shrimp, sliders, and mozzarella sticks.

So your boy Muff drank 7 Bud Lights, a margarita and 3 screwdrivers. I ate buffalo wings and buffalo shrimp. total bill was just under $40. Thank you happy hour! Happy Hour runs from 5-8. So if your ever in Key West, this place has one of the best Happy Hours on the island

lazy-gecko