Rick and Morty Are Selling Hamburgers

Ah, Karl’s Jr. and Hardees, the franchise so nice, they named it twice. (Why the fuck are they two names btw?). They’ve made the greatest decision of all time bringing Rick and Morty in as their spokesmen. And look at … Continue reading

Eli Manning + Hearing Impaired Technology = Magic

Go home, tele-dictator, you’re drunk. That wasn’t even close to anything resembling a cognitive thought. And if you’re implying that Eli Manning is some kind of Penguin fucker… which he may or may not be, I don’t know… that was … Continue reading

Jesus, Sinead! It’s Social Media, Not The Suicide Hotline.

To be clear, I’m not trying to attack the clinically depressed or those having a hard go at it. Depression is the real deal, and people behave irrationally, and even recklessly while depressed and have no way of controlling it. … Continue reading

Tesla Motors Want Self-Driving Cars, NOW!!!

Elon Musk has had it with all the shit, already! First he designs the best looking eco-friendly car in existence. Then he gives the formula away to everybody… EVERYBODY… and no one gives a shit. Now he’s seeing places like … Continue reading

New Bavarian Police Helmet

Everybody involved has to know that this is all as ridiculous as it looks. Yes, it’s a new government issue police helmet to better protect the Bavarian police force, and yes it looks kinda like the lower Empire officers from … Continue reading

USPS Sends 7 Pounds Of Marijuana To Arlington Family

So there’s this story going around the internets that says the USPS ACCIDENTALLY sent an Arlington TX family a seven pound package of weed. And it was discovered early, and a good laugh was had by all. I’m calling bullshit … Continue reading

Ice, Coco and Chanel: Who Are These People?

Ice-T and wife Coco recently had a baby (girl I assume), and they named her Chanel. Because that is a thing that is commonly done, apparently. … Continue reading

Jerry Jones: Was Putting Romo Back In Worth It? Yes, He Says.

“Jerry Jones is a genius!” Is something nobody has ever said. Unless they were given a shit-ton of money and told to say it while they danced around topless. But, c’mon, Jer! You like Romo, you really, really do. He … Continue reading

Trump Only Wants “Beautiful” Children Riding His Huey

Trump has a helicopter, everybody. Isn’t that wonderful? Actually he has a number of helicopters. And also at a recent campaign rally in Florida, he asked for only “beautiful” children to ride in it as guests. Allegedly, I suppose. So … Continue reading

Donald Trump And An Elephant

Oh, I get it. The elephant is the symbol for the Republican party, and this one says “Trump” on it, and Trump is running for president as a Republican. Oh and also, this guy has a number of animal cruelty … Continue reading

Buffalo Bills Are The Biggest Clowns In The NFL

Not much to be said about the 30-22 Buffalo Bills loss to the KC Chiefs, except that the Bills don’t really deserve to be called a football team. They were outplayed, but they really shouldn’t have been. Sammy started out … Continue reading

The WWF’s Goobledy Gooker, Where Is He Now?

What became of the Goobledy Gooker? You were probably expecting a more fantastic answer, but he was just Hector Guerrero… and he retired with his family back to Mexico or some shit like that. That’s all. … Continue reading

Goddammit, Reese Trees!

C’mon Reese, we had an understanding. You make your treat in the shape of whatever holiday symbol it happens to be at the time, and we continue to patronize your branding. That’s all. But you’re kinda ruining it when instead … Continue reading

Apes Don’t Give An F

Another example of our inevitable ape overlords not giving a fuck. … Continue reading

Chanukah Song Again

A day after calling Adam Sandler the least funny person in America he goes and makes another Chanukah song and reinforces that previous statement to a T. I mean, I mean, this bit was tired two decades ago. And all … Continue reading

Backwards Thanksgiving

It’s funny ’cause it’s true. Except it would be Tofuman not Tofhuman, but I’ll let it slide because I’m reasonable. … Continue reading

“The Golden Girls” Granny Panties Are Now a Thing

Because of the fucking internet! That is all. … Continue reading

Behold: The Piecaken

Come on, people! Respect your goddamned bodies around the holiday season, will ya? I’m getting diabetes just looking at the images of two pies stuffed inside a double layer cake. What is wrong with people? … Continue reading

“Fantastic Four 2” Cancelled?

I didn’t see this movie, you all probably didn’t either. But for some reason a sequel was greenlit before the movie even premiered back in August. And from what I heard, the movie was bad, it did poorly, and it … Continue reading

The Clown From “Billy Madison” Saves A Couple Women

A Toronto Suburb recently honored Doo Doo the Clown, or as you may know him the clown from the 1995 Adam Sandler film, “Billy Madison.” So anyway, these two women were walking and Doo Doo was driving by with a … Continue reading

Truth Behind “Guardians of the Galaxy” Director, James Gunn

I have no proof to back this up, but I think it’s pretty evident that James Gunn is actually just a really stretchy-faced Edward Norton. Need further proof? Edward Norton used to be in the Marvel Universe and now he’s … Continue reading

Ivanka Trump Is Saying and Doing Things. Do You Care?

Ivanka Trump recently told “The Media” that she’s a daughter and not the clone that “The Media” apparently thinks she is. But then again… Donnie does have some radically ideas and a way of thinking that some may say is … Continue reading

Malkovich Talks About Blowies and That One Movie

John Malkovich recently compared the film “Being John Malkovich to getting a bad blowjob. But you know what they say, Johnny: When it comes to pizza and blowjobs, even the bad ones are pretty good. Also, that was one hell … Continue reading

Thanksgiving Football = Extremely Dull

Okay, so the Bears taking out the Packers in the last game of the night, gave the overall experience a little bit of a spark; but overall. What was I watching there? The Lions sitting on the Eagle’s face and … Continue reading

Darth Vader Foiled In Attempted Convenience Store Robbery

Some people just can’t let the original trilogy go. C’mon people it was a series of middling budget pseudo sci-fi movies from the late seventies and early eighties. Cut the cord already! It’s Kylo Ren now! Get used to it!!! … Continue reading

Towson University Diving Coach: After Dark

Chances are that if you’re not from the greater Baltimore area, you’ve probably never heard of Towson University. Nor should you have. The only reason a smaller University like this would ever be mentioned is if the diving coach happened … Continue reading

Manziel Parties Heartily During His Bye Week

Johnny “Johnny Football” Manziel allegedly partied his face off during his bye week… Wait… wait, wait,wait. If I’m not mistaken, isn’t every week technically this guy’s bye week? I mean, we’ve all seen his games, right? … Continue reading

Bernie Sanders and Killer Mike in: Road to Washington

Two things: This is clearly a publicity stunt with the purpose of getting the American public interested in seeing two unlike things together. And look it worked, because I’m talking about it despite having figured out what Bernie’s people are … Continue reading